this is funny .

[RIVERS]

My Fantasy Baseball team this year.

 

[Rick]

JOKE
A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack (Churchill Downs) to learn about thoroughbred horses and its supporting industry (bourbon), but mostly to see the horses.

When it was time to take the children to the restrooms, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.  The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the high urinals.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one, holding on to their 'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well-endowed.  Trying not to show that she was staring the teacher said, ”You must be in the 5th grade.”

“No, ma'am”, he replied.  “I'm riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race, but I appreciate your help.”

[Poe]

JOKE
A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack (Churchill Downs) to learn about thoroughbred horses and its supporting industry (bourbon), but mostly to see the horses.

When it was time to take the children to the restrooms, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.  The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the high urinals.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one, holding on to their 'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well-endowed.  Trying not to show that she was staring the teacher said, ”You must be in the 5th grade.”

“No, ma'am”, he replied.  “I'm riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race, but I appreciate your help.”

[Ballhawk]

JOKE
A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack (Churchill Downs) to learn about thoroughbred horses and its supporting industry (bourbon), but mostly to see the horses.

When it was time to take the children to the restrooms, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.  The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the high urinals.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one, holding on to their 'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well-endowed.  Trying not to show that she was staring the teacher said, ”You must be in the 5th grade.”

“No, ma'am”, he replied.  “I'm riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race, but I appreciate your help.”

[Rick]

  QUOTE FROM RICK:

   I've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that you're retired?'
 Well...I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background and one of the things I enjoy most is converting beer, wine and Scotch into urine. I do it every day and I really enjoy it.

[Rick]

Tongue Twister
A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye, too. He says to him, "Hey this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes; mind if I ask how you got yours?" The other guy says, "Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the most massive breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying, 'I'd like two tickets to Pittsburgh,' I accidentally said, 'I'd like two pickets to Tittsburgh'. so she socked me a good one."
The first guy replied, "Wow! This is unbelievable. Mine was a tongue twister too. I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife, "Please pour me a bowl of Frosties, honey." But I accidentally said, 'You ruined my life you evil, self-centered, fat-assed, bitch.

[501]

Tongue Twister
A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye, too. He says to him, "Hey this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes; mind if I ask how you got yours?" The other guy says, "Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the most massive breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying, 'I'd like two tickets to Pittsburgh,' I accidentally said, 'I'd like two pickets to Tittsburgh'. so she socked me a good one."
The first guy replied, "Wow! This is unbelievable. Mine was a tongue twister too. I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife, "Please pour me a bowl of Frosties, honey." But I accidentally said, 'You ruined my life you evil, self-centered, fat-assed, bitch.

 

[Rick]

> >A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor
> comes in
> >and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't
> >remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to
> be ok,
> >you'll walk again and everything, but your penis was severed in the
> accident and
> >we couldn't find it."
> >
> >The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance
> >compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis.
> They
> >work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch."
> >
> >The man perks up. "So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many
> inches you
> >want. But I understand that you have been married for over thirty years
> and this
> >is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher
> before
> >and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine
> incher
> >before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be
> >disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a
> >decision."
> >
> >The man agrees to talk it over with his wife. The doctor comes back the
> next
> >day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"
> >
> >"Yes I have," says the man.
> >"And has she helped you make a decision?"
> >"Yes" says the man.
> >"What is your decision?" asks the doctor.
> >
> >
> >"We're getting granite countertops

[501]

Let that be a lesson for all the bachelors here!   

[Blutarsky]

Received this the other day.



The Ventriloquist
 
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show
in a small town in New Brunswick.
 
With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde
jokes.
 
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts
shouting,  "Ive heard enough of your stupid ass blonde jokes!  What makes
you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a
person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being?  It's guys like
you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the
community, and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and
your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes,
but women in general and all in the name of humour!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells,
"You stay out of this, mister!  I'm talking to that little fucker on your knee!"
 
 
 
 
 

[Rick]

Received this the other day.



The Ventriloquist

Good one Blutarsky.
 
 
 
 
 

Received this the other day.



The Ventriloquist
 
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show
in a small town in New Brunswick.
 
With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde
jokes.
 
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts
shouting,  "Ive heard enough of your stupid ass blonde jokes!  What makes
you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a
person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being?  It's guys like
you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the
community, and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and
your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes,
but women in general and all in the name of humour!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells,
"You stay out of this, mister!  I'm talking to that little fucker on your knee!"
 

lmfao

[Blutarsky]

I weep for the future. 

[Rick]

Pubic crab lice.

[501]

JAPAN DEPORTS PARIS HILTON

SHE SAYS: "I DIDN'T WANT TO SEE THE GREAT WALL ANYWAY"